I started painting. Well, to be honest, I tried to start painting. I got paint, brushes, canvases, and all the right stuff. I saw myself as an artist and pictured myself in France painting amazing landscapes and incredible portraits. I even dressed like an artist. It didn't work; I painted junk.
Why? Simply because I didn't have it in me, I wasn't ready. Knowing how to paint isn't enough; you need to know what to paint and how to paint it. I honestly believe that it will come to you when you are ready, and it might sometimes take half a lifetime to get there.
I had a head start but I didn't know it. My dad painted and I had seen him paint and mix colors. It was knowledge handed down for free. Unfortunately, I still struggled with one of the thresholds that make aspiring artists give up way to early; I was afraid of trying. Avoiding failure made me stay in one place instead of moving forward. I was cheap on paint, cheap on canvas, even saving most of the brushes for later. I am certain I still have some of those brushes unused 30 years later.
In short, I was afraid of the process and it hindered me from expressing myself.
Today fear is gone and the process is my friend. I dare paint and it is wonderful. My paintings are better today, even though I haven't dressed as an artist in many years.
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